Thug mé
Thug tú
Thug sé
Thug sí
Thug life

— Eoin Byrne (@bigbyrne96) April 1, 2015

I am now supporting America in the World Cup because some of them could be irish people who were sold by the nuns

— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) June 28, 2014

Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today. I said stop wasting your time, we should be concentrating on locking them up.

— Patrick (@PrayForPatrick) December 11, 2013

Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.

— Baz (@bazlyons) December 1, 2014

Huge opportunity for a 10/10 pun missed here pic.twitter.com/tM0iJczkvJ

— Ciara Knight (@Ciara_Knight) December 20, 2014

All photos of the Blarney Stone look like an old fella trying to dispose of a body pic.twitter.com/X7JgTc1ZGL

— Fuchsia MacAree (@fuchsiamacaree) May 7, 2014

My life is made up of days when I take the wet onions out of the kitchen sink & days when I force them down the plug hole with a knife.

— Carol GPT (@CarolGertrude) July 10, 2014

"Woopshy daishy." - Sean Connery climbing over something

— Old Pat_Bren (@Old_Pat_Bren) May 17, 2012

Living with a toddler starting to speak is kind of like living with a really small foreign exchange student. Who loves raisins.

— Amy Huberman (@amyhuberman) March 24, 2015

Woman: I'm sorry I can't go ahead with bearing this child.
Ireland: What's your excuse?
Woman: I'm dead.
Ireland: We can make it work.

— Eleanor Tiernan (@eleanortiernan) December 23, 2014

"&" looks like a little person sitting down and checking their shoe to see if there's dog shit on it.

— John Brennan (@UpturnedBathtub) July 14, 2012

my perfect man: long grey hair, glasses, owns his own business, sells mattresses at crazy prices ok my perfect man is mattress mick

— 🙃 (@notjohnmorrin) May 12, 2014

Man berating a boy on the train for having his feet on the seat. Hope he doesn't look over here, I've got my arse on this one.

— Colm Tobin (@colmtobin) July 18, 2014